Stalked: My tale of horror 

I love using my personal experiences to get a point across as a) it’s easier to write about and b) it provides credibility to my work. I’ve had an interesting conversation with a male colleague yesterday about sexual harassment that women are subjected to on a daily basis and he agreed that some men “just ruin things for everyone”. About 2 years ago I went through something that I don’t wish on any woman, ever. It all started when he stopped next to me on my way to work. Firstly, do you honestly think that women should be flattered if and when you stop next to her in your vehicle? If we were, we’d all be “ladies  of the night” as that’s how it made me feel. Secondly, I don’t need a ride, did you see my hand stretched out with my thumb raised? If not, then don’t stop and offer me a ride thinking I’ll get into a vehicle with a stranger, as that’s what you are to me. I’m straying but you get what I’m saying. Anyway I responded and told him that I work in the next street, 8 minutes from home and he responded, “I know”.

At this point I actually looked at his face and realized that I’ve never seen him before. How did he know where I worked? I kept my cool and told him I need to go because I’m late for work and he responded, “I know, you usually start at 09h00”. Alarm bells went off instantly and I literally ran away from him. I looked over my shoulder and realized he was following me but I continued running. When I finally reached the office, stressed out and exhausted, guess who’s waiting outside next to his car? You guessed it, Mr Stalker himself! He had the nerve to smile at me like he has every right to invade my space and asked for my number. I froze as he approached me as I didn’t know what he’s capable off. He saw the sheer panic on my face and just smiled, in his mind he wasn’t doing anything wrong, he just wanted my number…what’s so bad about that? Luckily one of my colleagues walked up to me and he scattered, got into his car and drove off. I dropped to my knees and started crying, I couldn’t believe what just happened. This is a road I walk every single day, a road I felt safe on and now, now I have to look over my shoulder, memorize licence plates so I would know when it’s him, is this really a life I wanted?

Over the next 3 months or so I lived in fear. Walking to work didn’t bring me the joy it used to and I encountered him a few occasions but simply ignored him. I couldn’t sleep, focus on work or even walk Summer as I used to. I eventually decided that I’ve had enough, that it’s ludicrous to allow a stranger to rule my life. I went on holiday, saw my mom and it became a distant memory. Upon returning to Johannesburg, I’ve decided to start my daily walk/run with Summer and even walked to work again. Things went well until I arrive at the office one day and saw his car in the parking lot. I immediately freaked out and when my colleague eventually managed to calm me down, I told her who he was. As I approached reception, I gingerly asked them what he’s doing here. To my shock he was there to see my CEO about a job offer, the very same man that made my life a living hell might turn out to be my colleague if I don’t do something drastic about it. After the meeting concluded, I finally confided in my CEO about his identity and he was refused a position. That didn’t stop him though, he started his own company and guess where he rented office space? You guessed it, he’s renting an office here and I’m subjected to seeing him every day. Turns out he’s married with a gorgeous wife and beautiful children. At first I resented him, it bordered on hate and I realized it’s not healthy, I can’t depict where he goes but I sure as hell can control my emotions. I despise anger, I try my utmost best not to get angry but it’s not always that easy. I’ve told him what effect his actions had on me, I expressed my anger towards him and he apologized. He apologized but he still doesn’t see anything wrong with it and that’s the problem with a lot of men that does this, they don’t think it’s wrong. They think we, as women should be flattered by the attention, should consider ourselves lucky that they even display a bit of interest in us. This is the society that we live in, these are things I’m personally subjected to daily, the wolf whistling, the name calling…These are the things that we accept as a norm and it will continually happen until we take a stance.

What did I do about the situation? I’ve warned others because he didn’t stop with his tricks. He continued hitting on women despite his marital status, despite the fact that his wife and kids would visit him at the office and everyone knew he was married, he didn’t stop and that says a lot about his character. I’ve worked through my anger issues, I might be forced to work in the same vicinity as him but I don’t have to acknowledge his existence. I don’t interact with him even though he continued seeking me out after all that happened. I despise him and what he represents, men are supposed to be the protectors and providers but lately that’s not the case and that’s depressing.

An ode to mothers 

Your first love, first hug, first friend…Nothing will ever compare to a mother’s unconditional love even though some may come close. This post is dedicated to all those unsung heroes, wingless angels and everyday Super Women. I’ve asked my friends, family and acquaintances to help me out by sharing what they love most or will always remember about their moms. I’ll start off by sending a special “Thank You” to my mom, Martha Pretorius.

“Mom, thank you for not turning your back on me when everybody else did, you are my strength and my beacon and I can’t imagine a world without you.”

•  Pat Shuttle all the way from LaFayette, Georgia said: “Words to live by from Mz SZU SZU my Mom. “Be kind and say nice things”

• Fellow blogger,mom and wife, Charnelle Avontuur credits her mother-in-law that “taught me what it means to be a mother.”

• Alicia wrote this heartfelt message about her mom: “My mother taught me what real friendship is. She still teaches me everyday about faithfulness, love and grace through her walk with God. she taught me that no matter what you never give up on people…..yes, you can decide to keep your distance but keep praying and keep believing in the Goodness that God placed inside of them. Above all she taught me about God and His Love for all His children. And I am yet to learn many more lessons from the woman who loved me first in this world. Rachel Arnoldus, the best mom ever.”

• My gorgeous and ever optimistic colleague, Noleen said that her mom is “completely selfless, extraordinary and wise to a point where she amazes me. The word “can’t” doesn’t exist in her dictionary and I love and admire her for that.”

• My bestie Melissa wrote: “My mom is truly my pillar of strength. After her stroke she still wants to do her motherly duties, even when she’s unable to .  She’d try it on her own and always tell me that if you ask for strength from God, He will provide. She is a true inspiration and I admire her willpower and strength everyday. I wish that one day I could be half the woman and mother she is to us.”

• Stefan’s mom always says: “Respect everybody, you are not better than anyone and no one is better than you.”

• Ntsiki was short and sweet when saying: “I’ve learned the hard way that my mother can knock me out.”

• The gorgeous Khanyisile aka Lady_K said “My mother taught me that with God, all things are possible.”

• From Madie Faith Magoro: “Dear Dimanzo, I would like to thank you for everything you’ve done and keep doing for me, all the little things I did and still do to piss you off but you still smile and show love. No woman can ever compare to you. I pray my future lady gets blessed with one of your qualities for mom you’re a remarkable soul and I’ll forever love and celebrate you!”

• The gorgeous Thuto said “Thank you for teaching me how to find my inner strength, I have  thick skin because of you.“

• Tumi got all philosophical on me when saying, “A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one can take.”

A blessed Mother’s Day to everyone and I trust that you’ll have an amazing day. If you still have a mother, treasure her every day. For those who lost their mother, my deepest condolences and I sincerely hope that you have amazing memories that will ease the pain a bit.