The Real ME...

People think I got it all together,with the show of my sweet sweet smile. Do they know if I've been happy ever, pull up a chair cause this may take a while. So here's the thing...I've got my bad days and some are even worse,I can be a blessing and you know,I can be a curse.I tremble at rejection,I'm scared to be alone,sometimes I may be selfish but I always make it home This is the real me,am I the girl you want me to be?This is the real me,with flaws and fears of intimacy,this is the real me ,can you face it?can you feel it?can you take it?can you deal with the real me? So now you see that I'm far from perfect,I will fall and I will make mistakes,but I am here and this has taken courage.Will you abandon me or will you stay? I know that I'm demanding and sometimes insecure,I think I got the answers but then I'm not so sure. I sometimes need attention,a little more than I should but there is a part of me,that'd give the whole world if I could. Now that I've gone and let you in and I no longer will pretend will you please still be my friend?

To answer your question
I'm writing this note hoping that i won't get the following questions'Do you have a boyfriend'or 'Why are you single'again.Let me start off by saying,I'm not lesbian.Though curious by this notion,i haven't wandered that path...yet;-)Jokes aside:Those who know me personally,would agree that I'm irritatingly independent stubborn and not as interesting as others might think i am hehe.I tend to get bored easily,flirts without realising it and are very open about my feelings,if you get close enough.I want to be the core of your existence,the one you turn to for advice or just a hug.I want you to let me be me,not smother me,don't get jealous or possessive and please don't get obsessed.I want you to give me space when needed,but be there when i need you.I want you to hold my hand in public,kiss my forehead,be proud to say:'She's with me',be silly with me,dance in the rain.Just hold me,feeling our heartbeats turning into one.Look at me like I'm the only girl that ever mattered in your life,show me rather than tell me how you feel.Allow your hand to find mine like your heart found mine.Be patient with me,try to understand me.Be honest with me...always,TRUST me and never allow past mistakes or experiences influence our future.Never accuse me without the facts,never treat me as though i'm fragile or a trophy.Share your joys and fears with me,laugh at my craziness.Make me laugh,mad or even sad,as long as you get an emotion out of me.Remember who you are and who i am,we together but still individuals.I want excitement,adventure not routine.Be romantic but don't overdo it.Make me feel like the first time we met;the butterflies,uncertainty...Keep me on my toes but don't make me feel unsafe.Phone just to say hi,involve me in your life...The list goes on and on...If you think you meet the criteria,i clearly haven't met you yet...or my eyes haven't opened yet...Also listen to Celine Dion's 'I want you to need me... 

Betrayal...

Its funny how you think that people know you especially those that have been around your entire life and then in the blink of an eye they turn on you.The pain that you experience,is indescribable,reliving the horrific incident still causes me to feel a stab through my heart,tears streaming down my cheeks,doubting myself,thinking that maybe I deserve all this heartache and anger.

Who would've thought that I'd move this far,just to get away from people I love the most?Away from their accusations and hatred!gosh I've always thought that any story has two sides and you should at least give both parties a chance to state their case, guess it's just me but to believe a stranger over your own flesh and blood?Can anyone ever forgive that? or even forget? The adult encourage her children to outcast their own blood,for what???for someone who's a manipulative liar?I pray every single day that I would be able to forgive and forget,I do.I so badly want to move on from this and be happy.

Still,he haunts me,doesn't want to leave me alone,pleading for forgiveness in destroying my life,isn't that too much to ask from me at this stage?Am I not allowed to be angry?to resent him sooo much that I don't ever want to see him again??I can honestly say I forgive him for lying,what I can't do right now,is forget what that lies cost me,I'm just not ready yet...I'm just sooo tired of being strong,now the one moment that I feel like I'm gonna break down,I'm alone,with no one who truly understand what I'm going through,in a strange place and it's all because of you...

Unconventional love poem...or not?

Why do I love you?There are so many reasons that I could list but I don’t want to be a cliché, even though in love everything tend to be just that. I love the way you push me to try new things, things I’d consider out of my reach. I love the way I feel surrounded by your love even when you’re not around. I love the way you always want things your way and I end up compromising, never had  that before.

I love the way you put up invisible barriers for me as a learning measure, I'm your willing student. I love the fact that my love for you is so overwhelming that I struggle to breath. I love the fact that there’s so many obstacles in our way but at times it doesn't bother us at all. I love the fact that you’re trying to accept me for who I am, believe me it's no easy task. I love the fact that you drive me insane, in both a good and bad way. I love the fact that I'm experiencing such intense emotions that it scares me. I love the fact that I can drive you crazy, to feel emotions that was long forgotten. 

I love the fact that I can call you my best friend, romance aside. I love that I can turn to you, even with the smallest of problems, you’re always willing to listen. I love that when you hold me, the world disappears and it’s just you and me. I love the fact that I've discovered a side of me that’s loving, unselfish and trusting, all because of you. I love the fact that I would never purposely do something to hurt you and I hope you feel the same way. I love the fact that I became a better person because you believed in me. 

I love the fact that I am happy with being me, satisfied with what I have and waking up with a smile because I have a life to look forward to. I love the fact that when I look into your eyes, I see my happiness reflecting in them. I love that when you smile, my heart smiles. I love the fact that I can have stimulating conversations with you but also mindless blabbering. I love the fact that you can make me so unhappy that I want to leave but also make me so happy that it feels like a distant memory. 

I love the fact that I can talk to you, tell you things that scares me, makes me unhappy or just make me smile and be real about it. I love the fact that you can make me forget about my painful past and live in a glorious present. I love the fact that I’m not afraid of what the future might bring because I have you here with me now and that’s all that matters. I love that you’re allowing me to be me…